I’ve always wanted to get into reading books but as a
struggling black woman in today’s very racist society I find it hard to indulge
in fictional fantasy books that I used to enjoy to read such as the works of
George RR Martin or J.R.R. Tolkien. I knew that I needed spiritual healing. After
undergrad and I was feeling bummed out that I wasn’t quite in my desired
career. But with Miss Rona running rampid I found myself stuck at home diving
deeper into depression. Once the stores opened back up I finally decided to go
to my local Goodwill for some self-care and I stumbled upon this book; “One Day
My Soul Just Opened Up” written by Iyanla Vanzart. Initially I was intrigued because
I had heard stories from friends about finding wonderful books at Goodwill and to
see that this particular book is written by a black woman I had to buy it to
see what it was about.
Each day I am going
to “try” to log my progress with her
book to provide my insight and spiritual growth. While reading the first few
chapters of “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up” I realized that I am NOWERE what I
needed to be with my personal relationship with God. I could watch and
participate in all of my Churches Zoom meetings and volunteer at many
non-profits for soul fulfillment but none of that was going to help me build a functioning
relationship with God and myself. I realized that in quarantine, church Zoom meetings
for me were pointless (no shade) especially when I was dealing with depressive
episodes. I knew that I was saved and that God loved me but I never felt that
love if it makes sense. I’m grateful that I was able to seek within myself that
I had an empty void and that I needed to take baby steps in building a relationship
with God and finding who I’m truly am. I recommend this book for anyone seeking
to understand themselves, as a starter and as a reminder. This book is great
read so far It is full of inspirational and helpful information for
self-reflection and self-care.
The difference
between putting your trust in someone vs. trusting someone.
Lesson: “I am not putting my trust in people because people
will not always do the divine right thing to do. I have to trust that God will
manifest through people. It doesn’t mean that bad things wouldn’t happen to me,
but I have to trust that God will provide me with the wisdom to make the right
decision under every circumstance that I encounter. If I want to know what to
do I must ask quietly in my heart and then I would be guided and protected.”
Today I found it difficult to trust when: To be honest I’ve
never really trusted anyone. I’ve always only trusted myself to make my own
decisions until my junior year of college. I believe that most of my distrust
in people is due to past trauma. “Hurt people, hurt people” and I was defiantly
one of those persons who when I did trust someone and they “failed” me I would
hurt them. Most of it wasn’t intentional though; I wouldn’t think an elaborate
masterplan to get back at someone but I have noticed that I had a dysfunctional
form of self-protection and was very condescending with my manner towards people
who have hurt me in the past. I’ve learned however, that even though someone
might have hurt me in the past that I can control what happens within myself
Today I found it easy to trust when: I journal out my
thoughts towards a specific topic so that I can learn to trust my decision
making progress
Today I realize I find it difficult to trust myself when:
Sometimes I self-sabotage. I would know what the right choice is but there’s
always like this little voice in my head telling me to do the wrong thing.
Affirmations:
Trust of God is not the same as trusting in people
Trust is an instrument of divine wisdom
Trust cannot be broken.
Trust in myself is Trust in God
